Black Raven, Where will you sleep
by Xitaris
Summary: Leliana receives a raven with some unfortunate news, what's worse is she has to be the one to deliver the news to the others too. angst. sadness. manly sobbings.


The sun was cautiously creeping over the white hills surrounding skyhold, as it does so every day when it's in the middle of the summer and the hottest days are present. ravens swooped back and forth from the highest tower the hold had to offer, a stark contrast against the snowy landscape.

the cawing was ever so deafening in the upper parts, but as this moment leliana couldn't hear a thing. the paper in her hand slightly crumpled - out of anger, out of despair, she didn't know herself.

it felt more like a very sick joke instead of reality, but her agents didn't lie. they were humble and honest, like the inquisitor had guided her, she guides them much the same way.

she had grasped for the chair when she read it, couldn't do another other then seat herself with the news she had receiver. her gloved hand still resting on her lips when she sighed. this wasn't only bad news for her, she had to go tell the others.

perhaps she'd leave Cullen to last… no, better first. better to hear it from her than some gossiping noble in the halls. but how. how could she give him this news when he had only just begun smiling again. when the warmth had just begun settling into his eyes. it was all thanks to her. how could she be the one to take it all away again.

but she had to. she had to do it. and it would hurt her as much as the letter initially had - all over again.

it had taken her longer than she was proud of to gather her courage. this was worse than any battlefield, worse than having the game on full display in Halamshiral. worse than facing Marjolein.

her knees felt like old hinges when going up the few stairs leading to Cullen's office. Dread was ever present in her chest and she granted herself a few breaths before knocking on the heavy door. once, twice.

the door made an agonizing sound as she pressed it open, not waiting for an answer. if she waited she might've lost her nerve all together.

"Cullen?"

He was staring at some maps on his desk in deep concentration, not having heard her knocks, "Oh, Leliana. Pardon me, i didn't hear you come in. how can i be of service?" he questioned as he rested his hands on the hilt of his blade - always present at his side.

she was silent for a few second, perhaps minutes. She didn't know, everything about today felt long. too long. painstakingly long.

"Leliana?"

she met his eyes and tried not to twist her face in one of sadness and pity, but she felt her eyebrows shift nonetheless, "It's the inquisitor.." she couldn't bring herself to say it. if she had to push the words over her lips it would be real. she didn't want it to be real. she wanted nothing about today to be real, be a joke or a dream. she could beg at this moment.

the moment his eyes - his warm, amber coloured eyes - widened just that little bit. A spark of realisation she never had wished gone so badly as of now. his head tilted to the side and a pained expression was all she could see. she witnessed how he took in the information, without even being given it. he knew.

it was so quiet she nearly missed it when he muttered, "how?" she wasn't sure he truly wanted to know, seeing how his eyebrows were still closely knitted together. his jaw locked tight.

"does it matter how?" she tried not to sound as harsh as the words were, but it wouldn't bring her back even if he did know how. But she supposed being the commander of the inquisition he would hear it sooner or later from another on the premises.

"please" was all he could utter to her, so she obliged. she wasn't in the position to take this privilege from him. it was an agent of Fen'Harel, Solas. A long time ago anyone here would've called him a friend. Leliana supposed that is now over. she kept the explanation relatively simple, there wasn't more than that that would've been remotely helpful to anyone.

Cullen only nodded, as if to confirm he understood, much like how one would listen and take an order. She wasn't sure what would hurt more, him breaking down in front of her, or this.. nearly stoic appearance he had suddenly put up. _Coping mechanism,_ she thought. She couldn't blame him.

There was nothing else to say, so she only put her hand on his shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze, in hopes of portraying that she'd be his support if he so needed. They had gotten quite close over the years, it was the least she could do. But she also knew pressing further would have to wait until later, when he was ready. If he was ever ready.

His nod showed that he understood, and somehow it was possibly more comforting to her than it was to him. But she had to leave it at that, let him digest.

She wasn't sure if making herself turn and close the door to walk down those stairs again was easier or harder than doing them in the opposite order, but she decided neither of them were easy. it wouldn't never be easy.

he feet barely two steps removed from the door when she heard the books being shoved across the desk behind her, heard some clatter and shatter and break. she decided that this, this sound was the hardest one yet to face, as she heard banging of knuckles on wood and choked sobs.

she tore herself away, this was definitely the hardest one.


End file.
